Black Panther- Embracing the Unknown

There is an aspect to my life that I do not write about. My silence comes out of my nothingness view of myself and my body, but it does not make my experiences unreal. My whole life I have been a focused person who has been careful to do many sports, instruments, and activities so that I can be well rounded. I think very little about what I do because I always judged my "excellence" by what I saw on TV or in venues that showed professional prowess. I now know that I needed this constant focus to not notice the sexualization of me since I was born. People would find my focus sexy as well, but at least I had some time away and space away from knowing their realities about their view of me. I am actually very shy about sexuality, but I have been forced to be a person who can deal with it in a military way. It added to the emptiness. They wanted me to feel shame, and shame was there underneath, but my concentration on other things (being very buddhist IN THE MOMENT) kept that at bay. I have worked so hard on my spirituality, I need my time to be me. I am very baby in my pain and exploration. I need PROTECTION to stop the constant sexualization of that quality. Right now I must constantly be concentrating on the dangers of the environment if I allow this vulnerable me to be expressed. I need RESPECT, true love and courtship, and PROTECTION in all realms that are existent. I protect you all every day. Please fight for my words and ideas to be heard and for me to be free of ANYONE who thinks that they know me perfectly or who thinks that a DIAGNOSIS is necessary. It is EVIL to the nth degree. If you do these realities, look in the mirror and a DEMON is all you will see.