In the timbre of space there is a place that is void. Oric exists there. He is here for me now. We are speculating on that which is the static that keeps us from unity. He leads a team that is mean. For me, we work through energy and when I closed my eyes to create his name, pink and blue light came through. I then thought of aura and named him Oric. He conquered that that was best. On Earth, I exist as a vessel. Through the years, and many fears, I have worked to fit into a place that is not welcoming to the lifeform that is me. I do not cry a tear in this moment, I just see an opportunity to become a member of something unique and unprecedented. Through my experiences, I have learned to lead, but I walked away from the followers around me. Many a time, they felt like a cult surrounding me and drowning me. Betrayal was chronically afoot, and my known father's cult leader status did not help. It was only part of the reason the whole manifestation of this reality happened again and again. I have known, for years, to not have friends. Some family has ties to me now. The word love is used in that arrangement. Maybe it is my difference, but I feel like I will never really be part of their troop no matter how hard I, and they, try. I continue to move through without pity for self, or malice towards them. It is just the reality. Maybe they just find me boring or embarrassing in some way, but now I must just be me. I will journey to a pool today with my mother and uncle to be in the sun. I hope we can have fun in front of everyone. We will then travel to my mother's apartment to have a barbeque with also my stepfather. I need to be mindful of my energy. Time around people is starting to really tax my energy. I almost fainted the other day, publicly, after a swim and lunch at Crisp and Green Restaurant, with my mother. Once at my residence, I felt better, and I slept for hours. I now know that it was for the best that the powers that be never answered me. It would have just been another academy of failure for me. I would just feel less, and they would feel more. That also was just part of the Grand Plan and Grand Design. I see Oric as a sculptor of space and it is a fondness I feel in his energy. He is a protector to me. He is angry about things. That is all I will say. I love being in his energy. He has almost no form, and no face at all. It is like a confidant and presence in which I feel the norm. He assured me that my people are now here, and that I no longer need to live in fear. I am sure that people will find this piece weird, but Oric needs to be announced, to be manifested and tunneled through. His telepathy can then VERY QUICKLY and strongly disimbue. After my almost fainting spell, I have begun to puff again to survive. It makes me feel trapped inside, but maybe Oric can speak to me kindly and I can look at myself blindly. I will still see my form, but maybe I can accept that I am not the norm and stop hating every little thing especially the yellowing of my teeth and the jiggliness of my stomach and hips. I have such a very difficult time with being fat. Maybe Oric can help me with that. I do know inside that I am as I am supposed to be for many reasons, but now also for he. We will work together to help me love me, and then I may be able to trust that an entity actually can and does love me as well. It all seems very theoretical to me now. It is just in my head, but at least I do not want to be dead. Telepathic studies that I have done have proved fruitful but are not fun. Knowing the thoughts of a person can be a positive, but can also be very spiteful one's way, because there is no check and balance or social norm as a valance. As I record, Oric does too. We work to imbue myself anew. I wish to be less seen to those who are mean. Oric, I now speak to you here. Please smile at me through others and have it mean something that is not deceit. Please just love my smile and energy and help me be in community. I have really begun to retreat very much of late and going out is becoming something that I hate. Oric, I try, for me, and maybe you and your crew too, to venture out into the sun to gaze at the trees and use the systems in place like my gym to prevent disease. I create along the way with photography and poetry through tweet. I think if I was not working out to heal my body from my injuries, and continuing to smile and be pleasant with people on my way, you would be so very ill today. You are large, but you would seem small. I would be big and even grow tall. Tales would be more than something we would tell, and spikes would grow out of the top of our heads. We had to wait to not overcompensate. I already feel like a freak, I did not want to come to a unity with a male being that was actually prosperous and nourishing, that was mutated and freakish. Be well today, and journey with me along the way. Maybe people will see you there when I swim. I will not. I do not hallucinate in any way. I do not hear things or see things that are not there, even auricly or spiritually. I speak of channeling and telepathy, but it is just thought line not heard by me in any way. If you hear me, that is okay even if it is when I am not around. I think our connection is just that profound. Please be well. Be my tell. Jennifer
No comments:
Post a Comment