States of Being Alive

My computer is having great difficulty today. I feel like my energy and expertise is going elsewhere. So my studies merging ritualism and psychiatric/ psychological disease, comes out with a resounding yes around the disease of borderline personality disorder. ALL borderlines are practicing Wiccan witchcraft and witcheries around the clock. Some are worse than others. Cutting and other parasuicidal behaviors are also really beginning to separate the Wiccan chafe from the normal suicidal grain. In my life, I have learned that when an organism is put into a state where one cannot use Buddhist techniques and mindfulness due to system overload, one is being abused at a rate where the equation of pain plus nonacceptance equals suffering. If the rate of attacks is two often and quick, the brain cannot process the pain with a state of acceptance, it becomes suffering in a way that sends an organism to the a space to find rest, and that is death. Under attacks that one cannot escape, especially ritualisms one's way, suicide and/ or medical coma is the only respite. This is when suicide is really a functional state regardless of belief and religion. States of suffering, in normal conditions where there ARE times of respite, can be alleviated by accepting the pain and riding the wave and also letting the thought flow by with "Teflon mind." Rinpoche means a being who has achieved enlightenment in this lifetime in Buddhist tradition. I have been a Buddhist Rinpoche, officially, since I was 33. I was visited by monks of all traditions when I was a baby at Pearl Harbor speaking to me of that day. When I opened to channel universal flows of deficit, I was then prepared to outlast the constant ritualism and hardship that came my way. I kept a motion of positivity, very consciously, and survived. Great states of diress brought tears and rage and then I just moved back into the flow. I acknowledge and then back away, immediately, from negativity if possible. In this space and time, rest is not an option, I meditate my way through most nights and I continue to track my mind and spirit in these pages. People will judge me, but I know that the disease was, and is, around me, it is not inside. I question norms, actively, now, and I stay away from all of the drama scenes, thus actual friendships. My experiment in relationship is now only with my family and courtesy to all entities in my vicinity. Maybe I will be able to give my brother, Peter, his White Tara one day as I introduce him to give an impromptu half hour speech on energetic relationships within Catholic Community. You will then become my number two Rinpoche, Peter. You will be my LIEUTENANT so to speak.