Repeat Reveals, but Steals My Energy and Myself

If I cannot look you in the eye, I see something rushing me energetically at the time.  It can be the remote view of family, the tunnel through of society, or the measurement of my emotional nature toward individual.  As about age of 2, I learned what happened if I cared about someone and enjoyed their company.  This was even seniors in the company for the Navy or the movers who came to pack us up on Oahu.  I am personable immediately, and all societies liked that sweet lively poking and questioning tey da tey, but afterwards things got homicidal for the whole insane chain of my nuclear family.  My father has never shot anyone, but has ordered hits all the time with military coding.  When I was doing my Marine training at Finlayson property at the age of 7.5 exactly, my father was ordered to bring a transient up to help take the dock out of Big Pine Lake who was lying about military service.  My father was ordered by my grandfather to shoot the man in the head.  He was already out unconscious because he fell asleep on the job after finding my grandfather's gin and drinking the entire bottle of Beefeater.  I was then ordered to smash his skull with a baseball bat.  I did so and my dad was supposed to finish it off with a gun (NAVY PISTOL .22 made just for him and only him).  He was the face of cowardice, thus my grandfather shot the man in the face and the genitals so that sex could not be determined.  He had national orders over the women wandering onto the property, but not men.  My grandfather then went into a full on NAZI CONCENTRATION CAMP (Krackow) rage and bent my father over and raped him in front of me.  When I reported this memory, in therapy, just like my other tortures, it was just "Oh well."  I don't think it will be viewed that way today, Lois.