Fighting Fatigue

I am so fatigued right now.  It makes it difficult to write and find my flow.  It feels like all creativity has been pulled from me.  I don't know what I really want to talk about.

Last night I went to the church and received my lessons from my missionaries and another church member.  It went very well.  One of the missionaries actually played the piano and sang.  It was completely lovely.

Past and future are really merging in this interaction with a congregation.  I see what was and I sense what will be.  I have no psychic tendancies and so it is not anything other than sensations and ideas.  I might be a little out there, but I believe that psychic inclination is sinful.  I believe that these people cause others pain and suffering by rooting around in their memory.  This whole weblog will probably disappear when I put that online.

Being at this McDonalds I think of Carmel, IN and the  McDonald's there.  It always makes me think of Bill Clinton.  I slept in that McDonald's bathroom for a few minutes when I was on the street.  I would shake awake when cops were in the vicinity.  I lasted like three days out in the cold.  I never really see myself as brave, but I guess I really was.  Maybe there will be a movie made about it one day.  I battled the demonry of the viper, and I transmuted hopelessness all by myself.

John Deere from Nippers 2 found me knocked out after a bar fight and he took me home with him.  He is a bit of an oddity, but he was a friend to me.  We slept in a room with two twin beds that were pushed together.  He was a bit OCD, but he returned me home safely although we almost turned in to ongoing traffic.

It is just best if I see how I need to see.  I really need consistency and I want people to get along around me.  I look away as you draw the knife at my back.

Carmel was such a strange time.  It was a pretty cruel wilderness in the jungle of deceit around me.  I was so amazingly lonely as evil buzzed around me.  It has been a pretty constant state since then.  I just move into the distance as everyone else cackles a reply.  I wonder if all of you really know how fuckin evil you are.  I used defenses before to not see your cruelty, but it is heinously striking now.  I still work with hope every day, but maybe Carmel could send a little MAGIC my way.