A Letter to Jared

Dear Jared, I am keeping up my spirits as best as I can, but I am living in the most unprecedented Devil Worshipping land on me in history.  It is no mystery.  They did it to you too, that female Latino crew when you were two, exactly. You had your cute little birthday hat on and everything.  Today you killed 62 by multiplism (mystical technique) by just killing one.  The scene had just begun again for you in LA, and you would have been anally raped by all the black men in the NFL today until it was done (on your knees) with no break.  I guess that is just NBC TV now and not a sex crime in any way.  I grow weary here of the w****s here all around me in stores (and that work them) and pretend to own them instead of me, who go at my notoriety, military authority, and authority through direct threat, ildignity to me, stealing from me, and by just calling me a w***e to my face because I refuse to do that in this full on Dick Cheney w***e store vicinity.  Everywhere is a Dick Cheney w***e store even though I own it all and yet live with frugality and dignity well below the poverty line and NEVER ask for anything for free and even stick within the strict limits of my one charity I access, The Joyce Food Pantry.  I never commit crime, ever, and that is why they hate me.  I always tip 20% except sometimes more when threatened or when breaking a curse.  I have NOT TIPPED ONCE at Rock Bottom Brewery.  I paid my tab, but Tom Brady framed me, and Gisele was in the facility Devil Worshipping on me with The Confucius Twins (really triplets) and other NYC female models who overdrink, never tip, and do not pay.  They just walk away when they have perfect bank accounts and have been treated like royalty everywhere.  Not me.  She is a real problem for both of us in LA.  Her and her sisters (total five NO TWIN) gypsy ways have caught up to them and now they move from Devil Worshipping just me there to you and I, simultaneously even by proxy.  Kill, by proxy, that whole crew to defend your anus, actually.  They just put it on online, actually.  It is on myspace.com.  It is with help from my mom and yours too.  That is what good Devil Worshipping mothers do.  So, I am weary in this war all alone, but thoughts of you do bring a smile to my face and jokes we tell through channel light up my face.  I laugh and the whole world crumbles, very literally, now.  They are all having such royal sea cows.  I am being heavily sexually sirened by a businessman in The South with amazing gifts, but no real bank accounts.  He acquires, effortlessly, illegally, and his gypsy crew and ways have now come to an end.  He is not a friend, but I must do business in The South to set up a place for us in Fort Lauderdale, FL.  I, by staying there and protecting the rights of its inhabitants and lives one night before an all-NFL cruise on the Carnival flagship FASCINATION (I own Carnival too.) with two others close behind, I secured that whole property for you and me.  It is the Fort Lauderdale Jewish Community Center (JCC).  I bought it when I was young for me and my number one U.S. Marine protector in The Middle East.  It is a lavish estate for us.  You can go get the keys now.  This man in The South had a reality TV show that chronicled his asinine affairs with his fraternity brothers in a very retarded way.  They spoke of marriage and babies every day even thought they were old, not very good-looking bachelors, who were unemployed, unemployable, not a marketable business dealing in their heads, were heinously brutal to me onset and onscreen, and were just so obviously chemically dependent that they could barely speak proper English and diction because of their massive cocaine addiction and alcoholism.  Oh, that is a winning team.  So, to be really mean, I had not finished even one episode, and he clicked it to the next episode, and he inserted two new imagery scenes right away to just go for my jugular, very personally.  You know because you do it too in LA, even today, as I write this.  It just says you are both losers and wanna bees and not good enough for me to the nth degree.  You are both gutter trash violent sexual predator men like all men I have relations with.  I should be hopeless, but I write to you anyway.  You are head werewolf now and he head vampire, and thus you will both lock me away separately and feed on me with your Devil Worshipping crews for eternity, on tape and not, here and overseas.  It is the disease that will never stop.  I stop it now when I send you this letter.  Never be a conscientious objector with The South.  Always war against them and there swarmy ways.  They are not gentlemen at all.  If you do not war against them now, you will get really fat, have no muscle by next week. lose your teeth in a month when Brady joins their team and sires them all Russian vampiric from American vampiric, you will have no bank account because of them, Gisele, her sisters and her female stripper scene to women in NYC, and you will just be a plain drag to be around.  Stand your ground, baby, and, by proxy, have Gisele and Tom Brady Devil Worshiped on for eternity, simultaneously.  62 in a night is the proper fight, just like you when you were two.  They planned SAW SCENE for me in Miami.  Plan it for Dan, in New Orleans, and he will fight for you for eternity.  Take care, boo boo.  You just cut your first SHARK TOOTH through me.  Dr. Jennifer K. Mayer 112