Finding Me

Boundaries and limits.  What can you achieve in the caves of hell, locked away with little sunlight, but constantly feeling the bludgeoning of personality and existance.  Speak not, I was not as aware as today, but it was always not okay.  This whole "philosophy" that my life was always fine if I never verbalized.  Threats are internalized, and piehole stays shut for eternity.  I wanted to be NORMAL and have my family that way as well.  I wanted everyone to be HAPPY.  Complete suppression of memory has white woman convincing me that I make things up, such complete violence and violation, or that I am overdramatic.  Well, ladies, the pendulum swung today.  Just wait to see what comes out of your pieholes this week, your REAL thoughts my way and others under the same covers.  I see differently so it is much more cruelty than I can count.  I honestly don't want to count.  I want to just go out to coffee with a caring, straight, white male I am intellectually and physically attracted to and talk about math, science, and artistry.  No more making even half of the first move.  The man has to BE CHIVALRY or he is a danger to me, personally and academically.  I will clouster until then.  Chastidy suits me.  I feel a new innocense that cannot be smashed by ANYONE out there.  Do what I do, even one day, and we can talk about your lack of demonry and actual existance of intelligence.  On the other hand, SUBMIT and you may see a KKK mommy on TV smiling and looking radiant as she always should have appeared to be.